C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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