I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
