can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
