I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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