I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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