K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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