I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
