i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
