I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
