Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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