A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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