I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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