Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
