Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
