Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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