the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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