We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
