Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
