i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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