you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
