I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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