So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
