i permit you to call me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
