There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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