I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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