soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
