I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
