mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
