You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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