Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
