I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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