Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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