sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
