Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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