My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
