The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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