dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
