so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
