Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i think im in europe. pls send help
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
