good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Barsexuality is the new black.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
