dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
