I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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