No awkward lesbian experiences without me
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Of course I have a pirate flag
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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