girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
