I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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