She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
