where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
