They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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