just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
