Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How naked do you want me to be?
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