That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
