I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
