i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
