When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
