If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
