I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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